I sat looking out the window that morning. It was a beautiful day, I remember it so well. It was the first the sun had shone in two weeks. In my head, thoughts raced. I didn’t want to convince myself I had made a decision, though within the core of my heart, I knew I was going to do it.

Being the last child in a family of 5, it was natural for all attention to be on me, or so I thought. But I struggled each day to make myself visible to all. I did not exist. Mum and dad were overly preoccupied with the twins, Sasha and Suzy, they were perfect. They had everything I could ever dream of. They were beautiful, perfect grades in school, the best of friends, they were everybody’s favourites, and were extremely loved, I felt. I silently competed with them, I was a shadow of myself. With slow songs I kept myself company, the other kids made mockery of me. I was fat, my legs were terribly knuckled, and I wore braces, my grades were bad. Patiently, I waited for an opportunity to leave home.

My first year at Uni wasn’t great. Such freedom I had never known, I could go where I wanted, and do what I so pleased, but I wasn’t excited. I still got the stares and chuckles. It was really intimidating. Each day I wished something terrible would happen to me, I was a loner. It was in this state I met Keller, such a young vibrant guy he was. My insecurities did not exist with him. He was fun to be with, and I really liked him. For the first time, someone truly accepted me. Keller had an addiction, he called it brown sugar, it was his little secret. He said it was the reason he always was happy, that it made him forget every care in this life. I believed him, it sounded good to me, but I needed time to make up my mind, Keller was in no hurry.

That very morning, I had made a decision, so, I tried it. Brown sugar was shy of every description Keller had given. I floated on cloud nine, the rush, indescribable. My confidence shot up like a rocket.  I smiled at all who passed by, I was extremely happy, I felt like a different being in my body. It felt great, so I continued.

Day and night, I continued. The feeling was ecstatic, nothing could compare. I felt invincible. I didn’t care anymore what anyone thought. 

Then the news came, Keller was withdrawn from school for a reason I never got to know of. It was such a blow, it was so hard for me. He was the best friend I had never had. More than anything else, I missed him. I took solace in the only thing I could call a friend, I took solace in brown sugar. It understood me, and was always there for me. Gradually my life became a wretch, I couldn’t go on without it. I struggled with my academics, it was tough.

It’s been four years since I dropped out of school. Life has had no meaning for me. My insecurities and self-worth are at a terrible low. I’ve been in and out of rehab. I am at the verge of giving up, I know not what again to do. I’m stuck, I’m tired of the heroin, I’m sick of this addiction, it has not helped take away the deep insecurities I feel. The lady at the centre, she said you are the only one who can help. So I’ve come to you, please help me. 

So Jesus, this is my story. My name is Melvin, I am 19 years old.

With tears flowing freely, Melvin signed off the long letter he had written, hoping his answer comes quickly.

Photo credit: Google

Nii Armah yawned as he lazily climbed down the hard bed. His alarm had woken him up, it was constantly set to 4.00AM. He wished he could sleep some more, but there was just so much to do. He had promised Daavi he was going to do an early delivery, it wasn’t in his nature to disappoint.

He recalled the discussion he had had with Adjetey and Komla at the football field, it sounded really appealing. They had mentioned a new business in town that could fetch more profit than what he was presently making from his mum’s bakery, and he didn’t need to do as much work. He dismissed the thought as he hurriedly went to set up the bakery before the other workers joined him.

Thank you so much Nii Armah, Daavi said as she packed the bread he had delivered into her van. It was 6.50AM, the weather was still pretty cold from the rains of the previous night. It felt right to just hit the bed, but thoughts of Maa occupied his mind, he needed to get her to the Poly Clinic. She’s been so sick lately, the doctors had mentioned in the last visit that she needed a surgery.  He had chosen to manage her illness until somehow the money for the surgery becomes available, but it was breaking his heart so much the rate at which she was deteriorating. Her once beautiful face was covered with pain that sent daggers right through his heart. Nii Armah doubled his pace, in a bid to avoid the overwhelming crowd that usually met them at the Poly Clinic, it was already getting late.

As he helped his feeble mum back into the house, the discussion with the doctor re-echoed on his mind. Maa needed immediate attention, he was made to believe she hadn’t much time again to live. It was scary, he didn’t want to believe it. He wasn’t ready to lose the only person in his life that meant all to him, not after all the sacrifices she had made for him, no, he refused to accept what the doctor had said. He had hope that the money for the surgery was going to come. 

He remembered his dad as he struggled with the deep ache in his heart. 

Nii Armah was just about 10 years old when he walked out on them for another woman. It had been a terribly hard period for them. Maa had struggled, school had been a fantasy for him, but each day, they went by. Maa did all sorts just to be sure he never went to bed hungry. She worked hard, it was out of years of saving she finally was able to set up the bakery. 

Adjetey, Nii Armah called out as he saw his friend walk by. He looked good, new clothes and all. How is Maa? Adjetey asked, as they both entered the house to see her. She obviously didn’t look good, the look on Adjetey’s face said it all. 

Ok, I will do it, Nii Armah responded after much coaxing from his friend. They agreed on a day as they parted ways. He had decided to try out what his friends had been on for the last two months. He really needed money for Maa’s surgery. 

That night, he wore the new pair of clothes Komla had gotten for him, with cologne that smelt like the one the banker opposite his house wore. He looked good with the new haircut he had gotten. At 19, he looked 24 that night. He shuddered at the thought of what he had agreed to do, but it was all for Maa, he will do anything just so she could live.

As Nii Armah entered the room, he was met by the most beautiful smile ever. Contrary to what his friends had said, she was beautiful. He couldn’t believe she was 38, and a mother of four. Samira had promised to fund Maa’s surgery. As she stripped, different emotions hit him. He could feel the excitement within his pair of jeans, something was fighting to be let out. He had never seen a woman naked. As she came closer, his heart stopped. All he could hear within were the words of Maa, never to compromise himself for anything or anyone. He could almost see the eyes watching him from above, he couldn’t forget the prayers he had heard Maa pray over the years for him. That God should keep him away from all unrighteousness. As the words resounded, he pushed Samira back, and dashed out of the room.

Three months after that day, as Nii sat running the events of the previous months through, he bowed his head in gratitude for Maa. She had passed on in such a peaceful sleep, it hurt, unimaginably but he was happy he hadn’t compromised his values. He worked hard to build the bakery, hoping that someday he will be able to pay his way through a tertiary institution. 

He could have done what Adjetey and Komla had suggested, but, would it have been worth it?  He wondered…..

Photo credit: Google

He looked on, struggling with the gag. His hands and feet tied up as they took turns to rape her. She was only 6 years old and his favourite child. Daggers cut through his heart, the pain he felt was indescribable, yet, he could do nothing. His helplessness overwhelmed him with grief, as he looked to them for mercy. He had never imagined a thing ever so brutal could happen to him. His eyes bled as he turned to look at his wife, the sight was beyond any pain one could ever bear. She laid helplessly in a pool of blood, with his two sons lying across each other, dead. 

It was meant to be a very beautiful and peaceful Friday night. Kola and his wife were dressed for their special outing, it was their 15th Wedding Anniversary. Life had been good to them. He was wealthy, with lots of businesses to his name. 

His wife was a manager in one of the big banks. His two sons were both in Secondary School, and his daughter, in Primary School. He had a beautiful family, they made him so proud.

He kissed the kids goodnight, it was just about 9pm as he gently walked his beautiful wife out the door. They had planned to have the night to themselves, he looked forward to every activity, he was optimistic.

They had barely stepped out of the door, when they were rudely interrupted by four armed men. From their voices, he could tell they were quite young. It was shocking to him how they had been able to break through his security. With hands on their heads, they were led back into the house, the kids were all still downstairs. His wife had already stained the beautiful blue dress she wore with urine, his heart beat was thunderous as he looked from one child to the other, their fears were a torment to his soul.

His fear tripled as four other armed men joined them in the house. He wondered how many more were out there.

Kola cooperated with them as he brought out everything he called valuable. He believed he had impressed them and expected that just as they had come, they will peacefully leave, but no, they had other plans. 

His heart beat even faster as he saw two of them begin to undress, and approach his wife. As he stood to her defence, a bullet run through the head of his first son, and then like an afterthought, another through the chest of the second. It seemed these guys were blood thirsty. He quickly sat, as his daughter screamed out in fear, the sight, overwhelming for her.

He thought it was all over, he believed they were going to leave, but they were not satisfied. Another bullet in his wife’s head, that was it, he couldn’t take it anymore. His heart jumped right out of his chest. He wet his pants a thousand times as three of the guys turned to his 6 year old daughter, each taking a turn as they brutally raped her, and then, they were gone.

His strength was all gone, he wished they had killed him too. As he sat in deep grief, crying his heart out, he suddenly remembered! 

At 18, he had been involved in a similar incident, this time, he had been the one who raped the 12 year old girl when all pleas from her parents fell on deaf ears, and then a couple of other girls too. He could almost see their pained faces.

He remembered again, all those other times he had robbed, and brought misery unto others, though killing no one. Those armed guys reminded him so much of himself. 

But then, those had been so many years ago. It had been out of desperation from wanting to belong in school. He had left that life behind immediately he graduated, life had moved on or so he thought.

He couldn’t explain how a people could be so ruthless, his whole family terminated in a space of 45 mins? Had time finally caught up with him?

That was when it suddenly dawned on Kola that time doesn’t ever forgive, it never forgets…..

Photo credit: Google

I saw Ada in a very skimpy skirt in town, you should have seen her looking like a fille de joie. I was very appalled, I’m sure you didn’t see her leave the house, Obi said without any apologies to Uche his friend. 

Oh I actually did. I bought her some new clothes, I’m sure it was one you saw her in, Uche nodded unperturbed.

That’s terrible then. You should see my girls, they are constantly well dressed, with their hair always covered. I love their commitment to the things of God, and how much time they spend in the house of God. You should be praying for Ada, she appears very wayward.

Thank you Obi, Uche said as he stood, signalling the visit was over. He didn’t take his friend seriously, he trusted Ada. 

He knew his daughter well enough.

You’re joking right? Ada jumped up from her seat as she listened keenly to what Ogo was telling her. She had known Ogo and her sister Chinwe from childhood. They were daughters to her dad’s friend Uncle Obi.

You can’t be serious! Ogo smiled mischievously as she showed Ada the bundle of money she had tucked away in her wardrobe. Bewildered, Ada’s jaw dropped. This was too much for her to assimilate. She loved Ogo and had always looked up to her, she was the perfect definition of a saint, no one would ever have thought her to be this picture she couldn’t believe to be seeing.

Ada, I’m a big girl now, I’m 19 years. I need to live my life, I can’t keep being in this bottle my dad wants to keep me in. 

What if he finds out you’re sleeping with men his age, Ada queried. Well, that will be unfortunate Ogo responded without remorse. I’m tired of being this church girl he brags about. He barely spends time with us, he doesn’t even know or understand us. Can’t remember the last time he bought anything for us, how does he think we survive in school? Do we eat sand as food, or wear leaves as clothes? My mum has to work extra hard just so she can afford some money for our excesses. Look at you Ada, your dad gives you everything you need, you hardly lack anything.

Ok, but can I ask my dad to speak with him? Ada asked. Don’t bother my darling, he doesn’t listen to my mum, I doubt he’d listen to your dad. Besides that will get me into a lot of trouble. 

What of Chinwe, is she aware? Ada asked as she saw Chinwe enter the house. We’re in it together. So my dear, kindly keep this little secret of ours in your piggy bank ok. Of course, Ada nodded, feeling so terrible she could hardly breathe.

Ada was extremely worried about her friends. She tossed and turned on her bed as she called for sleep. She had seen the Obi’s going to church this morning and had noticed how Ogo and Chinwe both sat quietly at the back with their two younger brothers. It was definitely the picture of a perfect family, she would have thought if she hadn’t let herself into their lives.

The strike had been called off, Chinwe and Ogo had already left for school. She had planned leaving within the course of the week, she couldn’t bear to think of all she had heard from Ogo.  She silently thanked God for all the privileges she was enjoying at home.

Really? I’m excited already Obi said as he waited impatiently for the girls Musa his business partner had arranged for their business trip out of town. Inside his trousers tingled softly with anticipated pleasure. Musa had been particular about one of the ladies he felt Obi should have, laying emphasis on the outstanding skills she had. She would be hard to miss among the ladies, she was the prettiest. They sat drinking cold beer when the four ladies arrived the little bar, as agreed.

Their eyes met briefly. It was unbelievable! Obi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Could it be the influence of the alcohol, he thought? He probably wasn’t seeing right. Before he could utter any word, Ogo turned quickly and run out of the bar, with Musa at her heels, trying to find out what possibly could be wrong. The only thought that crossed his mind was that probably she had once gotten involved with Obi and had stolen from him. He couldn’t understand.

Meanwhile Obi sat back reclined on his seat, he was at sea. He had completely lost interest in the other girls, his heart was overwhelmed with thoughts. His own daughter, an easy girl? He thought back to all he had done with the numerous young ladies in those hotel rooms, he couldn’t help but wonder how many men had laid his own daughter. 

How was he ever going to face her back home, now that they had both found out the truth about themselves? Would he still be able to lead devotion back home, would he still be able to play his roles back in church as an elder? What if his wife found out? He feared the unknown.

He thought of Chinwe, Goosebumps run all over him. Could she also possibly be involved? He stood and made his way out of the bar, distraught.

Photo credit : Google

Garvin, I really can’t do this anymore, it hurt so much the last two times. You promised it wasn’t ever going to happen again. I know May, but it wasn’t intentional, you know you can’t keep it please, it will hurt both of us so much and destroy this beautiful thing we share. I love you deeply, and wouldn’t want to lose you to anything. You bring me so much joy, I can’t think of a day without you, I cease to exist without you, my life is a rainbow of beautiful colours because you’re in it.

I don’t think we are both ready for the challenges that will come with you keeping it, please do this for us, this last time. And take my words, I’d be more careful hence forth. You’re beautiful, Garvin said as he gently pulled May to his side, planting a soft kiss on her fore head with such intensity in his eyes, all the butterflies in May’s tummy began to flicker without control. She loved Garvin so much, he was the sweetest she had ever met. Ok, I will do it, this last time, May responded. I will call Dr. Peters for an appointment then, he said as he took his leave.

School schedule had really been hectic, May thought to herself that night. She had a lot of catch up to do, being out of school for two weeks. She had felt pretty terrible after the procedure to remove the baby. She was grateful she had made it out, she had silently nursed her fears, thinking she wasn’t going to make it. She swore never to get herself to that point again, but Garvin had sacrificed his all for her. She understood it wasn’t too much to do for him, not after getting her the new car, and she knew he was planning a surprise for her 20th birthday and graduation ceremony. He had promised to sponsor her Masters. She loved him, she wasn’t ready to hurt his feelings. He was 10 years older and indeed knew how to take care of her. She had the admiration of her peers, she lacked absolutely nothing.

You look down, are you ok? Bertha asked. Yes I’m great, just a bit concerned May responded. They had known each other from their first year of school, and had gotten extremely close. Same class, they were set to graduate in two months. Ok, tell me about it, Bertha drew close to listen to what her friend had to say.

May took in a deep breath as she looked Bertha straight in the eye. It’s that time of the month again, and I haven’t seen it. Seen what? Please don’t tell me it’s what I’m thinking. You just did 6 months ago May! It’s not what I’m thinking right? 

It is Bertha, May whispered as she broke down. I don’t want to go through it again, I don’t have the strength to. I tried to stop Garvin, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s done so much for me Bertha, I just had to let him have his way. Its ok May, stop crying. Good thing is you guys are getting married in a year, you might as well keep this one. Just let Garvin see reasons with you, I doubt if he will disagree. Cheer up girl, I wish it wasn’t so, but since it’s happened, let’s just hope for the best, Bertha said as she drew May into a big hug.

Here, I got this for you, Garvin smiled handing over the wrist watch he had gotten for her. I have something to tell you, he said. May heaved a big sigh, she wasn’t ready for a vacation with him, or a shopping spree, or a boat ride, she just wanted to tell him her fears, but she chose to let him go first. Ok, darling, I’m all ears. 

She found out about us May, Garvin said. Found out what? Who? What are you talking about Garvin?

May, I have a wife and a son in another country. They‘re coming back into town. I love you, but I’m committed to her and the child. We’ve been married for 4 years. I’m really sorry May, I wish I didn’t have to do this, but, I can’t see you again. You can have the car, but please don’t call me again, I’m sorry. The tears stung her eyes, her throat hurt. Wait Garvin, you’re joking right, you can’t be serious. You just had a bad day, and I understand, just relax, let me get you a drink please.

No May, I don’t need a drink, I have to go. I will transfer some money for you, you’re going to be fine. You are smart, beautiful and success driven. Don’t worry, you’d meet someone better soon please, Garvin whispered as he headed for the door.

What about the wedding Garvin, but I’m preg….before she could finish her sentence, the door shut in her face.

She was devastated. Her legs began to gradually give in, the weight was too much for it to carry. May collapsed, hitting her head on the hard floor, and that was all she could remember….

Photo credit: Google